- Tobias: Oh, George Michael, she’s a girl. I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen.
- Michael: Yeah, I think you just did.
Tobias as Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen
- Tobias: Oh, a pregnancy test. There's something we never had, huh, Lindsay? No, we had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science, and money, and just a dash of - would - how - how long have you been standing there?
- Maeby: I just walked in.
- Tobias: Just walked in! Seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb!
Tobias, post hair plugs
David Cross and Demetri Martin for Vanity Fair’s Blindfold Test feature. Two of my favorite comics.
Hello my name is Tobias Funke and I’ll be filling in for Michael, who is not sick. In fact, just today, I saw a slither of his buttocks and they’re as fresh and firm as a Georgia peach, so not to worry.
- Tobias: Why don't we pair up? And hit the town together! I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
- Michael: OK, that's enough family stuff for today.
