January 2011
1 post
February 2010
1 post
January 2010
3 posts
December 2009
1 post
George Michael Bluth makes my banana stand
November 2009
1 post
August 2009
1 post
July 2009
2 posts
Tobias: Oh, George Michael, she’s a girl. I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen.
Michael: Yeah, I think you just did.
June 2009
2 posts
Tobias: Oh, a pregnancy test. There's something we never had, huh, Lindsay? No, we had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science, and money, and just a dash of - would - how - how long have you been standing there?
Maeby: I just walked in.
Tobias: Just walked in! Seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb!
May 2009
20 posts
Tobias: Why don't we pair up? And hit the town together! I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
Michael: OK, that's enough family stuff for today.
Tobias: When a man ... needs to prove to a woman that he’s actual .... When a man loves a woman, and he actually wants to make love, uh, to her, something very, very special happens, and uh, with deep, deep concentration and-and great focus, he’s often able to achieve an erec...
George Michael: I’m sorry, I’m going to stop you.
Tobias hiding from the "blind lawyer" Maggie Lizer
gifparty:
Narrator: While on the set of Wrench, Tobias had snuck into the costume closet and disguised himself as an English nanny in an attempt to see his daughter and prove to his wife he had what it took to become a successful actor. It was the exact same plot as Mrs. Doubtfire...
Tobias: [after Lindsay answers the door] Why, hellooo. My name is Mrs. Phlyddia Featherbottom, the agency sent me over.
Lindsay: Uh... I didn't contact any agency.
Gob: That’s a woman’s wig.
Tobias: I was told it was a “Bob.”
a favor
sorry for spamming your dashboard and i’ll probably lose some followers for this, but i’d like to ask a favor. i’ve been working as the campus ambassador to t-mobile this entire semester and i just found out that i won’t get paid at all for any of my work unless i get 500 of these silly surveys filled out. apparently it’s totally legal, i just missed some fine print...
Bob Loblaw: As you know, it is very difficult to establish fault in a divorce, but one indicator is fidelity. Now, my client has not pursued sex outside of this marriage.
Tobias: Nor in it.
“You know Michael, if I may take off my acting pants for a moment, and pull my...”
– Tobias Fünke
“Well, you certainly didn’t help my reputation as a ladies man with Jeff. But...”
– Tobias Fünke
April 2009
38 posts
Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren’t you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks any time.
Michael: Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Purchase "The Man Inside Me" by Dr. Tobias Tobias... →
“Tobias: Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth.”
– Tobias Fünke
Tobias: Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hanging.
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.
Lindsay: This is ridiculous. Why do we even have to do this?
Tobias: We are doing this to keep our family together.
Lindsay: No, I'm serious. Look at us. We're dressed like we're in the 60s. It's the 21st century, you should be dressing like it's the 80s.
Tobias: I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to dress up as something more nautically themed. Hot sailors maybe. Or better yet, hot sea-
Michael: I like hot sailors.
Tobias: Mmmm, me too.
“Oh, my God! We’re having a fire … sale! Oh, the burning, it burns...”
– Tobias Fünke
“First of all, we’re doing this for her because neither of us wants to get...”
– Tobias Fünke
Phillip Litt: I didn’t see you at the [never nude] convention.
Tobias: No, I was in Germany. I teleconferenced in.
Phillip Litt: Oh. Did you got to the seminar on chafing?
Tobias: Dr. Schoenweiss, yes.
Tobias: No, no, it’s pronounced a-nal-ra-pist.
Buster: It wasn’t really the pronunciation that bothered me.